I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I will die if light touches me.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
