Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Dicks are not precious.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
