I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
