Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Randomize
