I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
