May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
