I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Randomize
