I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
