I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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