omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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