I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
