I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
