you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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