And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
