Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
