i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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