Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
