community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
