Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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