His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
