We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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