The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Randomize
