would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
