I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
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