new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
