My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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