Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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