Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
