i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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