Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
