You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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