so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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