Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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