An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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