if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
This is the high leading the old right now
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
