i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize