i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
