she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
