Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
