what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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