I got chris browned last night
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
