look no pants
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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