The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
How naked do you want me to be?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
