im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
