Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
My liver is preforming stress tests.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
