I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
