ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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