Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Randomize
