I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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