we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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