I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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