my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
are you so shy because you have an std?
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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