I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
