i'm signing you up for texting rehab
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Im part way to drunk.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
