I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
