i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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