how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
