Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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