Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
