she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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