did you get engaged???
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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