In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
