you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
