Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
