i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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