Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
