I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
