Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
