i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
