take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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