I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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