What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
